Dang, this is something that happens rarely to me. In my career that I am pursing, what I love the most. It's what I have left of the kid in me. The early morning cartoon to get my imagination started aren't here anymore. I don't have them in my grasp. This is where it clashes. My egos/ different personalities. On tells me to relax and do art and the other tells me to play the game and keep this anger from building up to the point of procrastination. I blokc out the dumb stuff in my life including the people. They wonder why I can't be the way I am toward them. It should send them a signal. To leave me be but that signal doesn't get to them in time before I tune them out or beat them into my external persona.
Man, as an Artist I have seen that you need to get your own space, the space in a world that changes the environment that can relate to my artistic ways. Do things that claim the psyche so that we as artist can become productive. Usually I would use my anger to and alter that into a positive piece of art. It has been a long time coming to where I have that space to go and chill out and let my brain and emotions run with my paper and pen. Or what ever medium I would be using.
Also music tunes my emotions to grasp the feeling of my art. You can simply look at my art and tell what kind of music I was listening to at the time. Also while I write and or type. I don't say that it is weird but it soothes me to a point of where the person that did take me away from all that pain could. Now there are only a few people that can do that.When I lost her I lost a part of me. An people see that and it's not good. Im still recovering and recovery is only a process but who knows how long that is going to take. I hope not long because it feels like im hurting everyone around me. Only the ones that don't know me and say they do. There is only so much I can tell you, and only so much I can do. Because my words can't explain it, only my actions.
I'm back to square one. I'm back behind this damn Vault door that won't open wide but still won't close shut. I leave it cracked open just a bit but it's to the point that I don't want anyone.
This is only myself fighting myself trying to get through myself. I call it "Blokc"
Man, as an Artist I have seen that you need to get your own space, the space in a world that changes the environment that can relate to my artistic ways. Do things that claim the psyche so that we as artist can become productive. Usually I would use my anger to and alter that into a positive piece of art. It has been a long time coming to where I have that space to go and chill out and let my brain and emotions run with my paper and pen. Or what ever medium I would be using.
Also music tunes my emotions to grasp the feeling of my art. You can simply look at my art and tell what kind of music I was listening to at the time. Also while I write and or type. I don't say that it is weird but it soothes me to a point of where the person that did take me away from all that pain could. Now there are only a few people that can do that.When I lost her I lost a part of me. An people see that and it's not good. Im still recovering and recovery is only a process but who knows how long that is going to take. I hope not long because it feels like im hurting everyone around me. Only the ones that don't know me and say they do. There is only so much I can tell you, and only so much I can do. Because my words can't explain it, only my actions.
I'm back to square one. I'm back behind this damn Vault door that won't open wide but still won't close shut. I leave it cracked open just a bit but it's to the point that I don't want anyone.
This is only myself fighting myself trying to get through myself. I call it "Blokc"
